New year, new resolutions

According tohuffingtonpost.com, only 8 percent of people keep their New Year’s resolutions. 
January first: Today, everything will change. I solemnly swear that from this day forward, I will exercise more and eat healthier so that I can lose weight in time for 2019.
How hard can that be? I’ll just wake up earlier and go to the gym. Then I’ll eat some salad. If I’m going to make it past the first week in keeping up with my New Year’s resolution this year, I’d better indulge while I can.
Now that I think of it, I should probably have one cheat day per month. Maybe once a week, actually. I mean, is it really dinner if you don’t have dessert to go with it?
I get little sleep as is, so maybe I’ll just go to the gym every other day. My schedule is too busy, actually; the gym can wait until the weekend. I mean, it still counts as exercise if I take the stairs instead of the escalator, right?
I won’t opt out of my resolution after only the second day like I did last year… and the year before that. That’s beside the point, though, because this year is actually going to be different. Going to the gym once in awhile and eating relatively healthy is still fulfilling my commitment to living a healthier lifestyle, right?
Maybe 2019 will be the year …