Dear Secret Santa Spoilers,

Brianna Hatch

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‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the town,

Too many creatures were stirring—and that’s the problem, I’ve found.

From classrooms, offices, and parties there arose such a clatter,

But it doesn’t take an investigation to realize what is the matter.

Secret Santa should be a secret—come on, it’s in the name!

But the surprise is always ruined, and multiple people are to blame.

Names are pulled from the hat and before even a minute has passed,

The match-ups of at least five people have already been broadcast.

All it takes is one person to snitch and word will rapidly travel,

And now all the adventure is gone; there’s no mystery to unravel.

There are three types of people always caught red and green handed,

So if you’re one of these people, well, you’re where the fault landed.

First, there are those for whom the urge to blab is too hard to resist,

But there’s a special place for Secret Santa spoilers on the naughty list.

And there are the people who ask for advice when they’re in a pinch,

But stealing ideas makes you no better than the gift-snatching Grinch.

And finally, there are the people who follow the wishlist to the tee,

In my opinion, a gift is not special without some creativity.

So when the big day arrives and holiday spirit is booming,

And the exchange of gifts about to come is joyfully looming,

No amount of carols or cookies or festive pjs can hide,

The cringey, surprised acting when the giftee knows what’s inside.

And nothing is more awkward than when the gifter is revealed,

Yet everyone knows they broke the promise of “my lips are sealed.”

No matter how giddy the generic reaction of “Oh, it was you?”,

The uncomfortable eye contact confirms this information isn’t new.

The solution? It’s simple! To avoid popping the holiday spirit bubble,

Keep your Secret Santa business to yourself, it’s not worth all the trouble.

And as for those who ruin the fun with all of your talking,

I can guarantee you will find extra coal in your stocking.

Sincerely, Brianna Hatch