Living in the Westfield bubble

Welcome to Westfield, the town where everything good happens. Westfield boasts titles such as being among the “Best Dining Towns,” “Best Places to Live” and, the one that most residents are proud of, “Happiest Cities in New Jersey.”

You can get a feel for the best town in the nation at the local high school where the students are dressed to the nines and follow a strict dress code that accurately represents their town.

For the girls, it’s mandatory to have a Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts cup in hand, and more importantly, during the winter girls must wear Ugg boots and that really fuzzy jacket (that absolutely nobody has).


For the boys, they must wear basketball shorts in below-freezing weather and labor over the care of their prized sneakers. In addition, they must own at least three items from Vineyard Vines.


Despite being so perfect that one might also call it the “Safest Town in America,” many Westfield moms still worry about the dangers kids face.


“The other day my little son Blaine wanted to go sledding because he had a snow day,” said Westfield mom Ms. Sandra Karr. “But I was so worried about him getting hurt that I decided to put a mattress down at the bottom of the hill at Tamaques Elementary School, covered the area around the mattress with blankets and pillows, wrapped little Blaine in five layers of bubble wrap from head-to-toe and covered every inch of skin on his body with clothing.”


WHS student JJ Mackley said that the largest issue in Westfield is the lack of variety when it comes to places to eat. “Sometimes I just wish there were more places to eat frozen desserts,” she said. “I mean, we have places like Bohemian Raspberry, Emack & Bolio’s, Morano Gelato, Kilwins, The Chocolate Bar, FroYo and Cold Stone Creamery, but I don’t think that’s enough. We
need more diverse frozen treat places. Where are those places that make ice cream rolls?”


Tristan McJagger, a WHS sophomore, said that the hardest thing about living in Westfield is the lifestyle. “My parents bought me a Tesla for my birthday, but I told them I didn’t want a car,” he said. “I forced them to return the car so that I could get the new Yeezys and designer clothes to keep up with the changing school uniform.”


Despite these minor flaws, Westfield still comes out on top on all the town-ranking websites and it’s easy to see why. It truly is the best town in America.